Hi there please help need lots of advice!! sooooooo scared to give birth again but also of having a csection?

I had a 4th degree tear with my first where my doctor said she sewed as far as she could reach, even though she did cut me twice (episiotomy) knowing I would probably tear. I also pushed for 2 hours. I was advised to not have for at least 12 weeks and due to the psychological aspect, I didn't have for a long time after that. I had an epidural so I didn't feel the actual tearing but I don't remember the healing process anymore. I remember when the stitches were healing feeling itchy and pain getting up and down, but it wasn't that bad overall. When my husband and I had , it was tight too and we just had to increase time. Well, the good news, is my second child, I did have an epidural but he came out in 7 minutes and I only had one tiny little cut and tiny tear and healed with no problems. I was doing too much so even after I healed, I re-opened the wound by not taking it easy so I had to heal twice. So, you don't have to have a c-section. Giving birth the second time around is usually easier.